Why don't children like to listen to your reasoning? To make criticism effective, please control the duration
The long vacation has made many mothers angry. Seeing that her husband is sitting on the sofa and watching his mobile phone without knowing how to work, he can't help but mutter a few words. She couldn't help but criticize while cleaning up, but at this time the child's reaction was very different from the mother's psychological expectations. She expected the child to be obedient and well-behaved, but she didn't expect her mother's criticism to be ignored, and sometimes even directly Talking back, it's unpleasant to make mother tired.
In fact, mothers can calm down and think about a question. Why do you take care of your child the most and the hardest, and when the child grows up, you go to kiss your father? Why do children always talk back to their mother and do it against their mother? The fundamental reason is that the nagging or criticism has been excessive, which makes the child have a rebellious mentality.
This is actually based on research. From a psychological point of view, the short-term memory capacity of adults is 72 units, and the short-term memory capacity of children will be smaller. When the content is too much, the short-term memory capacity of children will be reduced. The memory is constantly refreshed from time to time. Generally speaking, the child forgets the previous one after listening to it, and can't remember what the mother said at all. From the perspective of emotional reaction, the child will also become bored with the excessive content.
Of course, children need to criticize, but they also need to master the methods and methods of criticism.
- Content of criticism
Don't use harsh language or slanderous language when criticizing children, such as why you are so stupid, you are just like your father, why am I so unlucky to have a child like you.
- Time for criticism
Some parents limit their children's chattering for an hour or two and list all their problems, but the effect is very slight. Why is this? To solve this problem, we need to solve the problem of how human attention can be. How long do you concentrate?
When the children are in kindergarten, the teachers tell the knowledge to the children. The children in the small class mainly spend about five or six minutes, the children in the middle class are about ten minutes, and the children in the large class are about 15 minutes. After the children go to primary school, the teachers do not A 45-minute class will continue to impart knowledge.
This shows that human attention is limited. Attention is mainly controlled by the frontal lobes of the brain. Attention is also divided into intentional attention and unintentional attention. In the case of intentional attention of an adult, 10 to 15 minutes of verbal stimulation is considered a The limit, and the child's ability to withstand speech will be shorter. Parents' constant verbal attacks on their children are unbearable for many children, which is why children love to talk back.
The time for criticism is best controlled within this time
When the child makes a mistake, the mother needs to correct the mistake and reason with the child according to the characteristics of the child’s physical and mental development. This time is best controlled within three minutes, and no longer than five minutes, otherwise the effect will be off the cliff. The child will be unbearable and feel bored and conflicted, so he will talk back to his mother and defend himself, completely forgetting the guilt of making a mistake just now.
Here, parents should be reminded that criticizing children should be concise and to the point, and they must not turn to the old accounts. Knowing the gap between parents who know how to criticize and those who don't know how to criticize.
The famous American writer Mark Twain once listened to the pastor's speech in a church and called on everyone to donate. He was very moved. He had already prepared the money in his pocket, but ten minutes later, the pastor had not spoken. After finishing, he became impatient and decided to donate only a little change. After another ten minutes, the pastor still hadn't finished speaking, so he decided not to donate a penny, and waited until the pastor finally ended his Conversation Mark Twain angrily left the church, not only did not donate money, but also stole two coins from the plate.
Some adults may have also experienced such a thing. When they hear which leader wants to hold a meeting, they are very repelled. Two hours will not end. In the end, everyone was in a daze. What the leader said did not remember at all, but some leaders held a brief meeting and only said the key points. The meeting ended soon, and everyone was very clear about the spirit of the meeting. .
Let me tell you a small example around me. My daughter likes to read "Harry Potter" very much. Once she asked me, Mom, can you study like Dumbledore? Look at Dumbledore, he doesn't talk much, but I feel very happy every time he appears. When Harry Potter started school, other professors talked a lot and talked a lot, but Dumbledore was simple. In other words, let's start eating! I don't know how happy I would be if you could do the same. This shows how important it is to communicate with children.
Teaching by example is greater than word of mouth
Many successful children are very grateful to their parents. The most mentioned is that parents respect them very much. Even if they make mistakes, parents are more inclined to act. They deeply realize that teaching by example is more important than words. For example, some children love to watch. If you don’t like reading on your mobile phone, parents will take the initiative to put down their mobile phones and read books with their children. Over time, the children will also like to read books. The father of the famous talented girl Wu Yishu is like this. After four o’clock in the afternoon, he turned off his mobile phones on time and read books with his children. .
On the other hand, some parents are different. They will tell their children about the dangers of using a mobile phone. When the child is looking at the mobile phone, there will be a lot of nagging, while they are watching with the mobile phone by the side while the child is doing homework. This kind of precept and example is the worst example.
Therefore, when criticizing a child, not only should we focus on the content of the criticism, but also the duration of the criticism. As the child grows older, the scope of knowing things will gradually expand, and the understanding of things will gradually deepen, but his self-esteem needs parents to be careful. Care, if you do not pay attention to the methods and methods of criticism, it may also lead to tragedy.
In recent years, many children have jumped off the building because of a trivial matter to end their lives. Whenever we hear it, we will sigh. Many people think that children's psychological capacity is too fragile. Think about what kind of psychological process he has endured before this.
Improper criticism will make the child talk back, generate rebellious psychology, and fight against the parents to prolong the period of rebelliousness, but sometimes it will also make the child lose self-esteem, lose confidence, give up efforts, and even his closest people will point fingers at him and have no confidence, then Who is he going to see? Because of this, many children will give up on themselves, and the impression of their parents remains unreasonable, hypocritical and unfair. When he has such an impression of his parents, even if the parents say it correctly, the children are unwilling to listen. , so when the child makes a mistake, the parents don't criticize it when they come up, and the words go around their mouths and screen it, and the effect may be better.
The best education is always gentle and firm. The best parents should be high-profile and low-key in praise and criticism. They will protect children's strong and fragile self-esteem, and allow children to think and reflect on mistakes. Only in this way can the effect of education be achieved. , are you right?