Why do boys play with cars and girls play with dolls? Gender identity matters to children
I remember the first time I sent my child to kindergarten, the teachers allowed the parents to accompany the child for a day, so interesting things happened, the boys automatically went to the corner of the area with cars and toy models, and the girls ran more to the dolls and dolls. In the play house corner of the rice tool, a parent next to it said, "Look, little boys and little girls are born different, and they can't play together at all.
It seems to be the case. There are such gender differences between boys and girls. Boys are crazy about small trucks and small water guns. Girls don't seem to be interested in these. They prefer to dress up their own dolls, so there is a book called " Men are from Mars, women are from Venus", it seems that boys and girls are born with gender differences, is this true? Are these differences innate, or are they shaped by humans?
If you want to find the answer, naturally you have to start with the brain
Are there differences in brain development in boys and girls? The study found no wide-ranging differences in their brain structure and function, and even though boys have larger heads than girls, that doesn't explain why girls mature earlier than boys, have better language skills, and even read and In terms of writing, there is also a big gap between boys and girls. Does this explain that these are all formed the day after tomorrow?
An acquired term is used here, called experience. The so-called experience is the knowledge about the phenomena and external connections of objective things acquired by the sense organs in the process of contacting with objective things. Experience can change the structure and function of the brain, which is defined by neuroscientists as plasticity, which is the basis of all children's learning and psychological development. Children form their own experience by touching with their hands, seeing with their eyes, and hearing with their ears. This led to different gender behaviors.
And boys and girls are different from the beginning, but also depends on their genes and hormones. At the beginning, the gender differences of children are very small, but when boys play with cars or girls play with dolls, they encounter different cultures between men and women. Small differences are magnified infinitely. That is to say, when the mother finds out that she is pregnant with a boy, she will decorate the room in blue, buy some toys for boys, and prepare a lot of pink clothes when she finds out that it is a girl. They will also decorate the crib in pink. This is the culture of the difference between men and women. Without knowing what the child likes, the mother decides without authorization and plans for the child something that represents gender and that most people agree with. It's the impact of the environment.
Parents are most likely one of the factors that widen the gender gap between boys and girls
Generally speaking, boys are more active than girls, which seems to be recognized by mothers since pregnancy. Boys have more obvious fetal movements, but obstetricians and gynecologists will also jump out to refute rumors. Is the fetal movement more and obviously a boy? ? NO, this kind of fetal movement may also be a girl, so it is impossible to judge whether the baby is a boy or a girl from the fetal movement.
As early as 1986, psychologist Warren Eaton concluded that the average boy is more active than more than 69% of girls, but there are exceptions to this rule, 31% of girls are more active than the average boy, then Where does the difference in hyperactivity between boys and girls come from? sex hormones? NO, sex hormone levels did not differ between boys and girls from six months through puberty, but both parents may be one of the factors that amplifies this difference.
Many studies and experiences tell us that mothers are more reluctant to let girls do some risky activities, such as running and jumping, while for boys, mothers will encourage boys to take more risks. If girls are more active, mothers will think it is abnormal. Yes, they will say to the people around them, why are girls so naughty? He will also try to suppress his daughter's activity, such as finding some quiet activities for her, writing or drawing, and trying to calm her down. And a boy is quieter, and his mother also feels wrong, so he will encourage the boy to go out to play football, play some active games, and try to make the boy lively. These differences also make the girl feel that it is normal for her to be quieter. Adventure suits him better.
When Boys Met Dolls, Girls Met Cars
Many people think that boys are born to like cars and girls are born to like dolls. In fact, these are all gender differences formed the day after tomorrow. In fact, the choice of toys for boys and girls is one of the biggest differences between boys and girls, second only to sexual orientation itself. , but this phenomenon is not obvious in infancy. Many research results show that if a baby boy is given a doll, he also likes it very much, and a baby girl is given a car, and she will hold it without letting go. The preference for toys officially appeared, in fact, after the age of 1, it began to become stronger in the preschool age, and a clear distinction was formed in the kindergarten.
With such gender differences, boys may be passive. For example, in today's society, people are more encouraging girls to participate in sports activities. For example, many parents encourage girls to learn taekwondo and judo, learn to ride horses and play football, girls can wear shorts, play Lego games, and play cars, but few Parents encourage boys to play and sleep with dolls, so after the child turns five, girls have a wider choice of toys than boys have.
Boys naturally like blue, girls naturally like pink?
There is no doubt that in today's society, pink represented by Barbie is the exclusive color for girls, while boys are usually dominated by blue and black. Whether it is toys or clothing, most of them are classified in this way, but you Did you know that at the beginning of the last century, blue was the exclusive color for little girls and pink for boys. At that time, blue was considered to be the color of beauty and elegance, and pink was the color of bravery and power. This color preference , which lasted for many years, until after World War II, it was really turned upside down, with the advent of the consumer market, advertisers began to use color to attract mothers, people began to define blue as calm and rational, and defined pink For warmth and sweetness, the increasingly popular Barbie dolls are all pink gifts. Whether it is men or women, when buying gifts for girls, they are all packaged in pink gift boxes. It turns out that girls like pink and boys like blue. It's all advertising.
But there is also a saying that boys naturally like blue and girls naturally like pink. A neuroscientist even defined this conjecture as the result of ancestral behavior. For example, men go out to hunt, and women are responsible for finding ingredients, such as red Red apples and peaches, as well as flowers, are more easily found by women. Red represents health and blood, and is more vital. Women are responsible for prolonging life, so they naturally like this color.
What is the significance of a child's gender identity?
In a sense, whether it's a doll or pink, or a car or blue, it's more of a distinction between boys and girls. Boys are more masculine and do what boys are supposed to do, and girls are more feminine. This is the correct gender identity. Gender identity is of great significance to the growth of children. It is an important sign of self-identity. Self-identity also includes identity and role identity, but gender identity is the premise. , If a person does not even identify with his own gender, how can he talk about other identifications? Only after self-identification can children form their own character, attitude and values, adapt to the society, and be recognized by the society, which is very important.
What happens when children have gender identity problems?
When a child makes a mistake in his gender identity, his performance is very obvious, such as repeatedly emphasizing that he is of another gender, such as a girl insisting on identifying herself as a boy, and not allowing others to call her a feminine name, in addition, his Clothing will change, girls wear men's clothes, boys wear women's clothes, and they always play with friends of the opposite sex. These are classic gender identity issues.
But what happens if a child's gender identity is wrong?
I remember the daughter of a foreign star who always dressed as a boy when she went out. She wanted to be like her brother, so she cut her hair short, wore a suit, and didn't want to change. This is a typical tomboy. But there is another kind of child who does not identify with his own gender at all. He is obviously a boy, but he insists that he is a girl, so he has to put on a skirt and let the children around him call him sister. This is a typical gender identity error. He will be regarded as "different" and rejected by the people around him, and his heart will be full of entanglement and anxiety, and he will live a very "twisted" life.
Why are there "gender incongruent" children?
congenital causes
For example, some time ago, a 16-year-old boy in the third grade of junior high school suddenly became emotionally depressed, restless, and his academic performance dropped significantly. He was confused until he was asked the reason. He felt that he should be a girl. Once diagnosed, this is called gender inconsistency, also known as gender identity disorder (this term no longer exists, and is replaced by gender inconsistency), which is a relatively common psychological problem, which is related to the lack of early sex education, lack of father’s company or mother’s support. Gender expectations are related to acquired reasons, and this boy is precisely because his mother raised him as a girl since he was a child. A playful mentality at that time ruined the child's gender concept.
Therefore, parents should not dress up their children according to their own preferences, such as raising boys as girls and girls as boys, which will lead to difficulties in children's gender identification. In addition, some children in single-parent families, due to lack of fatherly or motherly love, It is difficult for children to learn the proper gender characteristics, and their behavior habits tend to be the characteristics of caregivers. Therefore, when the son is older, he should not always stick to his mother, which is easy to form a sissy. The daughter should also contact her mother more to let herself It is more gentle and feminine, so a healthy family is very important for the growth of children, and parents should be involved in the growth of children.
congenital causes
In addition to acquired reasons, congenital factors may also lead to gender inconsistencies in children. For example, during the fetal period, the structure of the gonads changes, which makes the male brain appear feminized, resulting in individual difficulties in gender identity.
What should parents do if their children are "gender inconsistency"?
A well-known reality show in foreign countries is called "Can you come to your house?", a 43-year-old single mother, she has 6 children, but two of her daughters have gender inconsistencies and have girls' bodies, but At the beginning, the mother did not agree, or even did not accept it. For example, if the daughter did not want to wear a skirt, the mother would sternly refuse, but later, the mother realized that wanting the child to wear a skirt was just her mother's wishful thinking. The daughter has grown up and she firmly wants to be a boy, so what can a mother do? So she chose to accept it and apologized to her daughter. Therefore, when faced with such a problem, what parents have to do is to "treat them normally", which is the greatest respect.
How to prevent "gender inconsistency"? The critical period of gender identity is very important
Children begin to be vague about their own gender, but at the age of 2-5, a critical period for gender identity, boys and girls will find that their body structure is different from others. Don't let girls see the toilet. Gradually, they began to identify with their own gender. I am a little girl and I am a little boy.
Before that, it was also mentioned in a large number that the choice of parents on children's gender toys and clothes will also promote the formation of children's gender identity. In addition, when children show sociality and enter kindergarten, teachers will also tell everyone that little girls are In the first line, the boys line up first, the boys go to the toilet first, and the girls wash their hands, which further strengthens the children's sense of gender identity.
Children have a preliminary determination of their gender identity, which gradually stabilizes and then produces consistency. They do not use external images such as clothing and hair accessories to think about whether a person is a man or a woman, that is, a man is always a man. Men, to become fathers in the future, need to take responsibility. A woman is always a woman, to be a mother in the future, you need to be as gentle as a mother.
The earth has billions of people, there are men and women, but a person's external gender characteristics cannot be equated with real gender, we have no reason to discriminate against these "gender identity disorder" children, maybe be more tolerant, ordinary With a little heart, they can live a happier life, especially parents. They should respect their children and give them enough guidance and care. This is the source of his lifelong sense of security. I hope every child can be respected and loved.