After becoming a mother, I became the most disgusting look in my heart: how 'nagging' mothers 'save themselves'
There is a popular topic on the Internet called "Parents are all scourges", which refers to those parents who use rude and indifferent ways to educate their children. Children have been treated unfairly at home since childhood, causing huge psychological trauma and causing them to grow up. various problems.
After becoming a mother, I became the most disgusting look in my heart: how "nagging" mothers "save themselves"
Ms. Deng grew up in such a family. Her mother controls everything in the house. She and her father must completely obey any instructions from her mother . If she does not respond after ten seconds of giving an order, then her mother "Nagging" mode will be turned on.
The first few sentences were just "broken thoughts" like an old man. If they didn't respond, they would become more and more ugly, escalated to cursing, insults, and eventually even hands-on . Therefore, Ms. Deng has been obedient and cowardly since she was a child, and did not dare to refuse unreasonable demands of others.
But after giving birth to the child, Ms. Deng found that she also began to nag like a mother. Sometimes the child would not listen to her, and she would become emotionally out of control and abuse her child.
Once the child fell ill, the doctor told him to take a good rest after taking the medicine, but the child was disobedient and played with his toys while coughing. Ms. Deng unconsciously turned on her nagging mode, but the child did not listen to this at all. Angered, Ms. Deng snatched the child's toy and fell to the ground.
After making this move, Ms. Deng immediately regretted it , and she herself didn't understand why she lived the way she hated the most.
Most people who have encountered unfair treatment by their parents when they were young may have silently swore in their hearts that they will never become people like their parents when they grow up, and they will never treat their children like this.
But over the years, I found that the influence of my parents on me was difficult to get rid of, and I unknowingly applied the same way my parents treated them to my children.
Although the original family has a huge influence on a person, it is still possible to escape the shadow caused by the original family through hard work.
One: Calmly analyze the problem
If you want to solve the negative impact of a family of origin on a person, you must face it, rather than escape or forget. When facing the unfair treatment of your parents, don't just complain about your parents, you must first find out the reason, people are not born like this.
Everyone has a reason for the formation of temperament. After finding out the reason, communicate with your parents sincerely. Don’t use the way of blaming and cursing. Maybe this kind of communication can’t change anything, but at least let your parents know that they will hurt you by doing so. . After figuring out the reason, the hatred for the original family can also be less. Many times parents are also victims of the times. They just don't know it and can't change it.
2: Use knowledge to manage emotions
Because of the lack of material and knowledge in that era, parents didn't know how to pay attention to their children's mental health, and they were powerless to change the status quo. But now the times are completely different. Whether it is knowledge on the Internet or professional psychiatrists, these resources are readily available.
As long as you can recognize the adverse effects of the family of origin, deal with it positively, make good use of these resources, and learn to manage your emotions , it is entirely possible.
Three: treat children equally
Parents should get along with their children as equals, and parents who cause harm to their children forget this. They treat their children as their own personal possessions, and they can do whatever they want with them. They never consider their children's feelings.
Parents should know that children also have their own ideas and consciousness. If everything is required of children according to their parents' thinking habits and behavioral standards, children will inevitably resist one day.