Child being ''rejected''? It may be the ''social edge'', these 4 tricks may be able to save in time
''Baby, tell your mother which child you are best with in kindergarten? ''
''Why are you always playing alone every time your mother picks you up? ''
''It's been so long since you went to school, why hasn't Mom heard you mention any of your good friends?
''Listen to the teacher, you always don't say hello to the children at school, why is that''?
In addition to children's eating, drinking and studying, the second concern of parents is probably their children's social interaction. When children gradually begin to contact others, enter kindergartens, elementary schools, and begin to adapt to group life, there will be many people of all kinds working together. ,play.
And in it we can find: some children always seem so popular, no matter where they go, there are friends who follow behind the buttocks, no matter in the platoon; while other children are always alone, it seems Always seem out of place, and even always conflict with other children?
Xixi is such a child, he is always excluded, the children do not want to form a team with him, especially the big event, unless the teacher specially arranges a few more active children to take him, otherwise very few children in the class are willing to play with him. .
The teacher also looked for the parents, but the parents disagreed, believing that the child was still young and ignorant, and it would be fine to grow up in nature.
After two years, the child still does not ''social'' with others, and the parents begin to worry.
Parents do not know that this is because the child has reached the ''social edge''. Children's social performance is often ''subtle'' through family getting along. Some children are overly spoiled due to family reasons, etc. , the child creates a ''social fringe'' situation.
What is social fringe?
''Social fringe'' refers to the child's social fringe state, people cannot do without social interaction, everyone needs to have conversations with others, normal interactions, but when the child appears ''social fringe'', the child will be afraid Communicate with people and have a ''fear'' of social interaction.
On the other hand, children who appear on the ''social fringe'' are very easy to evaluate themselves because of other people's comments.
The quality of other people's words will affect him. If he hears bad words, he will also feel inferior and become more and more afraid of ''social''.
There are many reasons for ''exclusion'', in addition to children's ''social fringe'', more, or family education.
Why do children appear socially marginalized?
After investigation, it is found that 5%-6% of children have been excluded from the group; and no matter the reason for being excluded, after this situation continues, children will become inferior, withdrawn, and even depressed.
Why is the child socially marginalized? The reasons are as follows:
- Parental education is too spoiled
Story 1:
Yin Yin is the living treasure of her parents, grandparents, grandparents, and grandparents. Since she was a child, the 6 adults in the family have loved her in every possible way. Her grandmother has fed her from the age of 3 to the age of 7. She is about to go to primary school, and she is still immersed in being spoiled by her family. middle.
In such a doting environment, Yin Yin's self-care ability is not only poor, but her psychological endurance is even worse. In school, she doesn't know how to get along with her people. was ''rejected''.
- The child is self-centered
Story 2:
10-year-old Xuan Xuan is always self-righteous. At school, he didn't like anyone, and he thought that no one could beat him.
Playing basketball should compare with others, running should be compared with others, and also discuss with your friends. If you lose, you will not help your friends to line up in the future.
Today, Yangyang's clothes are ugly, and tomorrow, Fanfan's hairstyle is ugly. A self-centered child like Xuan Xuan caused the children in the class to dislike him.
It turned out that Xuanxuan's family was well-off, and his parents took him to various ''high-end'' places since he was a child, and also got to know various famous brands, under the influence of the family's environment.
The child's eyes became ''high'', so no matter what he did, he felt that he was superior. Gradually, the children in the class isolated him, causing him to appear ''social fringe''.
3. Parents leave it alone
Story 3:
Xixi is the best example. The mother doesn't care about the social problems that the child has in the class, which leads to the child's further social problems. At the beginning, he is willing to talk to others. Take the initiative to talk to others.
In addition to attaching importance to children's social interaction, parents also need to know how to observe their children's words and deeds. When a child has a ''social edge'', the child's words and deeds will also undergo some subtle changes.
How to tell if a child has a ''social edge''?
The child is obviously nervous when talking to others, and cannot speak a long sentence
Children don’t know how to share, they keep everything for themselves, and don’t share their favorite things with good friends
In crowded scenes, children dare not speak, and their words and deeds are particularly uncomfortable
The child's voice is getting lower and lower, so low that only he can hear it
The child is ''deliberately'' being a naysayer, conspicuous, and actually wants to communicate with others but can't find the right way.
Seeing that the parents are not very happy, the ability to express is limited, and seldom say ''intimacy'' to the family members. and many more
Parents can know what it is like to have a ''social fringe'' in their children through the above items. Everyone living on the earth cannot exist alone. Learning to get along with others is the first thing to learn when going out of society.
Children are rejected, and parents with ''social fringe'' can solve it with these 4 tricks!
The first trick: help children to channel their emotions
When parents know that their children are ''rejected'', the parents may feel as uncomfortable as their children, and feel distressed for their children, but the first thing to do is to help their children to ease their emotions. Overwhelmed with a lot of negative things.
At this time, it is not appropriate to say to the child: ''It's a big deal'''''It's not a big deal'' words that seem to be indifferent, parents must pay attention to their children's feelings.
Know how to listen to children's grievances and let them know firmly that their family will always support you behind you. For children, at the moment, a simple hug is warmer than any words.
Dilute the child's feeling of being ''rejected'', so that the child will not be deeply affected by the evaluation of others.
The second measure: help children integrate into the group
When children go to school, the phenomenon of being ''rejected'' occurs from time to time. As parents, to prevent children from being ''rejected'', first of all, in the usual parent-child education, we must teach children to learn to share, respect others, and nurture children. Good humility, do not spoil children, do not overprotect children.
Parents can also help children establish friendly peer relationships, which not only prevent children from being ''excluded'', but also help children integrate into the group and make children feel happy among friends.
The third trick: 15 minutes of intimate communication every day
When parents find that their children are ''rejected'', this time has already caused harm to their children. As parents, it is necessary to find out the reasons for their children's ''rejection'' in time, which has a certain relationship with the parents' family education.
Maintaining 15 minutes of intimate communication every day helps to establish an emotional link between the child and the parent. The child can also communicate with the parent. The child will receive special attention from the parent during the communication process, and the child will feel warmth and love.
The fourth trick: help children build a strong heart
If you want your child not to be ''rejected'', parents must first set an example. Usually, in the eyes of their children, if the parent is a parent who likes to make friends, is approachable, and is gregarious, then the child will ''learn the same way''. .
It is very necessary to help children build a strong heart. At least, when the child is ''rejected'', the child can resolve himself, and the child will understand that ''rejection'' is temporary, and small troubles will be reconciled. Children will not be too fancy with other people's words. Parents should cultivate children to be able to face setbacks bravely.
In addition to a lot of encouragement in words, it can also help children build a character image. In some brave characters in picture books or animations, these characters with a sense of substitution can help children build a brave image.
Summary: Parents are always the strong backing of their children. No matter how busy the parents are, they should make time to chat with their children. Both happy and unhappy should be said. When the child is strong enough, there is nothing cannot be resolved.