Is social anxiety in children a mental illness? Most of the causes are related to the family, and we must learn to 'desensitize and avoid pits'
Xiao Zhao is the mother of a five-year-old baby. She recently found that the baby is more and more reluctant to play and socialize with other friends.
Xiao Zhao took the baby to the entertainment area of the park. Seeing other friends playing on the slide, Xiao Zhao encouraged the child to play with the children, but the baby was holding on to the corner of her clothes and was unwilling to let it go. .
So Xiao Zhao leaned down and patiently asked the baby. The baby wiggled for a while, and then said embarrassedly, "I don't dare, I'm afraid, Mom, let's go home."
Hearing this, Xiao Zhao seemed to understand the reason for the baby's recent changes. This may be a child's social phobia, so Xiao Zhao began to think about whether the child's social phobia is a mental illness?
Is social anxiety in children a mental illness?
Social phobia, to put it simply, is the fear of excessive contact and socializing with others, and the degree of this fear has exceeded the normal range.
Strictly speaking, social phobia is a psychological problem, and if it is not serious, it does not constitute a mental illness.
American psychiatrist Elaine Allen mentioned in her book "Inborn Sensitivity":
Social Disorder can make you seem less comfortable in your speech and demeanor, afraid of getting into a state of excess, fear of being overwhelmed, fear of not being able to think of topics to talk about.
People with social anxiety tend to show a reluctance to interact with others, but this is only a symptom. Such people are actually very eager to communicate with others, because they are afraid of being rejected or not recognized, so they dare not take the initiative to communicate with others.
In addition, they also lack certain social skills, and often have unpleasantness when getting along with others, which will affect the effect of social interaction.
Causes of social anxiety in children
- Personality is not the culprit
Many people rudely classify social anxiety as introverted, and it would be a big mistake to think so.
Whether a person's personality is introverted or extroverted mainly depends on whether he gets more happiness inward or more happiness from the outside.
Social fear has little to do with personality, it's mostly a psychological problem. Therefore, if parents find that their children are socially phobic, don't blame their children for being introverted.
- Has been hurt socially
As the saying goes, once bitten by a snake, you will be afraid of the rope for ten years. Children's social fear is likely to be because they have been hurt in some previous social activities, so they will be a little afraid of being hurt again when they face social interaction.
This is actually a self-protection mechanism in the child's heart. Moreover, the child's heart is relatively fragile, and it is easy to be stimulated by some things.
- Parents’ social circle is relatively narrow
Many parents summarize the reasons for their children's social fear, but it is easy to miss one point: in fact, the narrow social circle of parents will also make children have a certain degree of social fear.
Because parents are role models for children, if parents are good at socializing and willing to socialize, children will naturally broaden their social spheres when they are immersed in them. And children learn some specific social skills when they see how their parents interact with others.
However, some parents have a narrow social circle and rarely interact with people from the outside world, so their children lack opportunities to learn useful social skills and social etiquette from their parents, so children will be afraid of the unknown when socializing.
The impact of children's social anxiety
- affect interpersonal relationships
If a child is socially phobic, it is difficult to get along well with peers, so it is difficult to have good interpersonal relationships.
For young children, a very important factor in finding a sense of belonging in a group is being able to integrate into their peers. When a child cannot relate to his classmates, he has no sense of collective belonging and security.
- Affect physical and mental health
We all know that humans are social animals and no one is an island.
If a child lacks good relationships because of social anxiety, he will lack friends. This is not good for the physical and mental health of the child.
Children who are in a state of loneliness for a long time will affect the development of their language ability, expression ability and thinking ability, thus affecting their own learning and life. If this state persists for a long time, it will form a vicious circle.
How parents can help their children overcome social fears by "desensitizing and avoiding pits"
- Correctly understand desensitization therapy
Desensitization therapy is also called exposure therapy. Specifically, when a person is afraid of something, it is necessary to expose this thing to him, the intensity is from small to large, so that he can slowly Face this thing, and then stop being afraid. This is an effective psychotherapy for the treatment of social phobia.
When helping children overcome social anxiety, parents can use systemic desensitization therapy. Specifically, it is to find the thing that the child is afraid of, and then constantly expose that thing in front of the child, so that the child gradually dissolves this fear in his heart, and finally can accept it and face it.
- Genuine acceptance of children
When a child has social anxiety, parents should not rush to blame the child, because the child is more nervous and anxious than the parent. If parents blindly blame the child at this time, it will only increase the child's guilt and social fear.
The correct way for parents at this time should be to use gentle words and kind physical actions to appease their children, and on the other hand tell their children: this state is not shameful, it is a situation that every child may encounter, and parents will Help him face and overcome together.
- Take children to participate in group activities
An important step in desensitization therapy is to expose the feared thing in front of people. Since children are afraid of contact with people, parents should take their children to interact with people.
But this is not to say that parents suddenly take their children to an unfamiliar environment and force them to talk to people, but to take a step-by-step approach to slowly desensitize their children.
- Help children imagine desensitization
First of all, parents can help children to desensitize their imaginations. For example, parents can use language to describe a situation to their children: In this situation, there are five little friends playing on a swing, and the baby wants to play with them but doesn't know how to speak.
At this time, parents should ask their children a question: if the baby wants to play on the swing with his friends, how can he tell those friends?
The baby is not really in this scene when facing the parent's question, so he will calmly think about the answer to this question, so as to lay some foundations for the desensitization practice of the baby's social fear in the future.
- Help children desensitize to reality
After helping children desensitize their imaginations, the most critical step is to take them to realize desensitization of reality.
Realistic desensitization requires children to practice desensitization in a real situation. Parents can choose to take their children to play in the naughty castle in the mall on weekends, where the children will meet some unfamiliar children.
Parents can cheer up their children in advance, help them recall together, think about the children's answers in desensitization, and then encourage their children to take the initiative to interact with those children.
After several such desensitization practices, children will gradually master some social skills, improve social confidence, and gradually overcome social fear.