Children procrastinate in homework, time management is the lowest level, self-management is the core driving force

Helping children with their homework is simply the Asura field for parents.

I have repeated the wrong question many times and still do not understand it, so I will not say it. Just dragging around while the child is doing homework, playing with the eraser, turning the pen, going to the toilet, and drinking water for a while is enough for parents to drink. A pot.

Originally, the homework tasks are heavy. If you finish it carefully, you can go to bed earlier. The most fearful thing is that the child is hanging around, and the parents will not be able to finish it without supervision.

But those who should be scolded are also scolded, and those who should be punished are also punished, just like the old way, a typical emperor is not in a hurry for eunuchs. Parents can't wait to roll up their sleeves and help their children finish the job.

01 Time management is not as good as self-management

For this problem, most parents think that their children's time management is not in place, so they use various traditional methods of coercion and inducement to threaten, reward and guide their children.

First of all, I must be sure that these methods are valid.

Children are running around and jumping around, but they don’t want to do their homework, and their parents roar and sit at the desk obediently;

The child is always unable to finish his homework, and the parents use candy as a lure to make him barely finish it;

There are also more patient parents who use games to make their children happily follow homework instructions.

With a multi-pronged approach, it is indeed easier to help children with homework.

But the problem is that in this way, the child is like a toy wound up. If the parents struggle to wind up the clockwork, he can run for a while; , still playing on its own.

In fact, time management is the lowest level for children's homework procrastination. It is the core driving force to let children know what they know and take the initiative to manage themselves.

Otherwise, even if you diligently urge your children to do their homework until they graduate from high school, when they go to work in college, they may suddenly become a mess, still lazy and tired.

02 Why do you know what to do?

Parents may also find that some students who are academically tyrannical will take the initiative to do homework when they get home without much urging. Even if you have played for a while, you will still take the initiative to arrange time to complete it.

When the child develops such a study habit and arranges time to do homework independently, it is the core of solving the problem.

The child manages not the time he does his homework, but himself.

It sounds idealistic, but it is complex and complex, and simple yet simple. In order for a child to spontaneously manage himself, he needs to have a very high level of self-awareness and self-requirement.

Self-awareness refers to a person's understanding of oneself, including emotions and feelings, evaluation and planning, abilities and desires.

Self-awareness runs through a person's life. You need to constantly understand your current level and what kind of person you want to be in order to live your life clearly and not blindly and mediocrely.

A child's procrastination and laziness with homework is actually a manifestation of a lack of goals.

According to Piaget's theory of cognitive development, from the age of 3 to 6, the child's self-awareness begins to sprout, and from the age of 6 to 12, the child's self-awareness begins to germinate, and he can view himself from the perspective of psychological characteristics. more precise.

In other words, cultivating children's self-awareness can start from the age of three.

Of course, it is not enough to have self-awareness, to know who you are, what you are capable of, and what you want to achieve. Children also need to have certain self-requirements, introspection and self-discipline in order to achieve their goals.

The combination of these two can be regarded as the child's ability to self-manage.

In the "Handbook of Child Psychology, Social, Emotional and Personality Development", this view is put forward: children's ego abilities can be developed from an early age, and parents' encouraging and affirming attitudes are beneficial to them, while excessive control and punishment are detrimental.

To put it simply, it means that the daily response and support of parents is crucial to cultivating children's self-management skills.

03How to cultivate children's self-management ability?

1. Use language to set the child's personality

Harvard's psychological research has found that to clear a child's self-awareness, he needs to be reassured, set up a clear personality for him, tell him what he can do, and the child will take the initiative to work hard in this direction.

You must know that the pressure parents put on children's learning is an external drive, and they must rely on external pressure to move forward, but children cannot feel the fun and sense of accomplishment of homework itself.

To mobilize internal drive, parents need to create a trustworthy personality for their children.

If it is said that cognitive fuzzy + guilty conscience, let the child show the state of being inattentive, not doing his best, and perfunctory. Then the parents set a clear personality for him through language, and let him enter this role and make efforts actively, which is a change from the inside out.

Just like when children are doing homework, they always make mistakes due to carelessness. Parents can change the language of criticism to this:

How did that happen? In mother's eyes, you have always been a very patient child, such careless and scribbled homework is not at your level at all.

Maybe at first, the child will curl his lips and disapprove of this kind of words, but he will also secretly rejoice. After a long time, the parent's emphasis will set up his own patient character in his heart, and then he thinks that he can do it. better.

This is supported by theory. There is a famous Rosenthal effect in education, which parents can refer to.

Harvard psychology professor Rosenthal and his assistants came to an elementary school and announced that they would give children a future development trend test, and then selected a list of "most promising".

Eight months later, when they came back here again, they found that the group of children on the list not only made great progress in their grades, but also showed a positive trend in their character development.

This is the magic power of expecting affirmation and admiration. Instead of using coercion and inducement to wind up children, it is better to start from the heart.

2. Seize the critical period

Self-cognition is a process of constant revision and supplementation, and high-level self-awareness will drive high-level self-requirements. If you can grasp the critical period of children's cognitive development and cultivate them, you will get better results.

Before the age of 6, children can only form a simple cognition that focuses on external characteristics. After the age of 12, both parents and teachers can play a very limited role in assisting children's cognition. Therefore, 6 to 12 years old is especially critical.

In Erickson's view of social development, he defines the age of 6-12 as the "diligence versus inferiority stage".

If the child is able to get through it successfully, with the correct definition and awareness of self, a strong sense of self-confidence, control and precision will develop.

If it is not successful, the child will have low-efficiency cognition, full of negative and inferiority feelings, and thus perform worse and worse in learning, and indeed become a poor student in the minds of parents and themselves.

3. Abandon anxiety and give children appropriate freedom

In the final analysis, the ability of self-management is still the child's own business, and parents cannot do it for him.

If parents focus on time management and urge their children to study every day, they cannot relax for a moment. After children get used to the external driving force of parental supervision, once they lose their motivation, they are likely to fall into laziness and confusion. middle.

Therefore, parents must get rid of their own anxiety, trust their children to manage themselves, let them go properly and try to let them plan and complete the homework by themselves, and judge by themselves whether they really put their hearts into it.

Then, use the right reward mechanism to keep your child moving forward.

■ What is the correct reward mechanism?

The excessive material rewards that many parents currently use have greatly reduced their children's concentration.

How to make the reward play its due role is a question that parents should think about. The following principles should be followed:

①Increase spiritual rewards

②It should not be too frequent, and the corresponding affirmation must be given to let the child complete the whole thing smoothly.

③ Only reward the child for things that should be rewarded, such as beyond this age, or unexpected achievements. Otherwise, it will only make children lower their demands on themselves.

④ Rewards should be specific and powerful, so that children know where they are being encouraged.

The child must grow up on his own, and teaching him how to manage himself is more important than teaching him how to manage time.

If the child himself cannot have clear cognition and moderate requirements, he will soon be overtaken by the torrent while standing still.