''Mom, I don't want you'', parents' excessive care will make children lose''self-growth''

Today's parents are willing to spend a lot of time, energy and money on parenting. They always hope that their children will become confident and independent, and they can become their ideals, but in cultivating their children's ability. History is guided by theory, but there are still many detours.

Parents’ love for their children is selfless. When their children are infants, most mothers will become the main companions of their children. Watching their children grow up day by day, the mother feels gratified, but at the same time, they are accustomed to involuntarily. Use your own way of thinking to judge and guide your child's behavior.

At this time, some scenarios will appear, such as:

The child wanted to catch the butterfly, but the mother was afraid that the child would step into the grass and be hurt by a stone or plant, so she would hold the child and not let the child pursue it.

The child saw the dandelion drifting in the wind and felt very novel, so he wanted to pick one to play with, but the mother was afraid that the child's tender skin would itch because of the unclean things, so she organized the child's behavior.

……

Such interventions are very common around us, and parents should have done similar behaviors and interfered with their children's behavior.

But this kind of love is sometimes not what children want

Out of concern, parents will first consider the worst situation, and there is nothing wrong with caring for their children, but excessive caring may be a manifestation of caring obsessive-compulsive disorder.

One: What is caring obsessive-compulsive disorder?

Care obsessive-compulsive disorder, as the name suggests, is a kind of obsessive-compulsive behavior, that is, habitually hoping that others will depend on you. Refers to a person who is prone to involuntarily provide some help or care to others, and then sometimes these cares are not what others want, but more of the person's own thoughts, a behavior imposed by oneself on others , Although these help and care are well-intentioned, they may also cause others to be unable to deal with problems independently according to their own ideas.

Excessive caring generally occurs in female groups. Compared with males, females are destined to have a lot of emotional release from gender differences, and are more likely to be more emotional, so they will have more ''love''. The dual status of being a parent makes mothers more prone to over-caring situations.

When the caring compulsion manifests itself in the mother, when the caring for the child is adopted and relied upon, the mother will obtain self-satisfaction and be satisfied with the sense of accomplishment obtained from this effort. On the contrary, if the child expresses disapproval or resistance to his own care, the mother may feel that his good intentions have been trampled on, because there may be strong self-blame and pain without a positive response.

But in life, our intervention in children may have a counterproductive effect on children, resulting in the decline of children's self-care ability and the formation of dependence and rebellious psychology.

2: What impact will parental overreach have on children?

1. Mental distraction and poor concentration

In the growth and development of children, concentration is a very powerful ability, especially in the process of children's learning, it is necessary for children to concentrate on the acquisition of knowledge, but parents still have some misunderstandings about concentration, thinking that children Being in a daze is also a manifestation of lack of concentration, but sometimes the child is in a daze because he is thinking. If the parent interferes with the child at this time, it will disturb the child's thinking, resulting in the child's mental distraction and poor concentration.

2. The child forms a mentality of dependence and lacks assertiveness

Parents care too much, and they help their children in everything. If children want to try and explore, they will be interrupted by parents, which will lead to a continuous weakening of children’s ability acquisition. While passively accepting care, it reduces their need to take the initiative to undertake. If things go on like this, people's inertia will be magnified infinitely. Excessive care will make people lose their ability to think, slow down or even prevent children's growth and development.

3. Impeding growth and development

Parents' care is actually hindering the child's maturity and lack of the ability to be independent, because there are always parents who deny protection at home, but after leaving the society, the parents are also more than enough, and they all need the child to face it alone. At this moment, the past care will become the specified injury. The child has no ability to deal with some things, it is difficult to adapt to the changes of the environment and the change of characters, and it is easy to be overwhelmed under the pressure of life and society without adaptability.

In "The Road Less Traveled" said: ''People can refuse anything, but they can never refuse maturity. To refuse to mature is to avoid responsibility and avoid pain. And this is the root cause of human mental illness. If you don't deal with it in time, you will pay a heavy price and suffer even more pain. ''

We love our children deeply, so we want to master every move of our children. We want to use our experience in life to tell our children: ''Parents are for your own good. ''But we must also know that children also have their own thoughts and their own life circles, and in their world, they are actually very disgusted with the intervention of our parents.

''Mom, I don't want you'', when a child objects to the key to parental intervention, the parent must recognize the seriousness of the matter and think about why the child resents the adult's intervention.

Parents' excessive concern brings a sense of powerlessness to the child, the child will feel that he has no room for freedom, and his behavior has a feeling of being monitored, which is a restraint for the child, and the child will feel uncomfortable, so It's natural to start to resist.

Moreover, the most important thing is that too much interference by parents will make the child lose ''self-growth'' and the child will never become mature, so parents should reduce excessive care for the child.

Three: How to properly educate and manage children?

1. Understand your child's mind

In the world of children, right and wrong are sometimes not important. In this regard, parents should play down the concept of right and wrong when looking at some behaviors of their children, understand their children's thoughts and behavior rules, and do not take one-sided views from adults. This can reduce the side effects of over-caring.

2. Parents should be appropriately ''lazy'' to allow children more free space

Parents can be lazy occasionally, that is, they should not restrain and discipline their children too much. As long as the children do not make some particularly serious wrong behaviors, they should allow the children to try to explore, tolerate small mistakes, and cultivate children's initiative. sex. And the most important thing is that parents should not do everything within their ability, but let their children learn and try consciously, but while giving children autonomy, they should not forget the constraints of the big frame.

3. Treat children with respect and equality

Parents, as the companions of their children, sometimes subconsciously become the leaders of their children's thoughts. This is not correct. What parents really need to do is to be a guide, with communication as the mainstay, and exertion on the premise of mutual respect. Influence. If parents do not respect their children and stubbornly imprison their children in their own protection circle, two situations will inevitably occur in their children.

When children are young, parents play a very important role as the most important companions. Therefore, parents may subconsciously become the leaders of children's thoughts at this time. We need to slowly switch from the past relationship model, focus on communication, exert influence on the premise of mutual respect, and excessive care will cause children to be passive all the time, so in children's education, the best model That is, the child takes a step forward, and the parent takes a step back.