A letter to Chinese parents: Acknowledging that children are mediocre is the greatest training for children

Every parent hopes that their children can become talents. It is a common psychological phenomenon to hope that children will become dragons and daughters will become phoenixes. However, in such a big world, very few people truly become the best. Most people are Born ordinary.

There is no parent who does not love their children. They all hope that their children can grow up to have a perfect and extraordinary life. In order to achieve this goal, they are constantly ''gilding' their children. It is all-round development, just like my neighbor's child. The child is only five years old this year. He is an obedient and sensible child, but as far as I know, I really have to say that his parents are too demanding of him. , I have to practice the piano for an hour every morning, and then go to the kindergarten for class. At noon, I will directly send my child to learn abacus and mental arithmetic. After school in the afternoon, I will also send it to an interest remedial class to learn art or dance. I heard that on weekends The time is also full of arrangements.

Not only does it arrange a lot of specialty training for the child, but also pays great attention to the child's academic performance. Every day, I will find the teacher to understand the child's situation. Every time, whether it is a small test or a large test, if the full score is 100, then the child is required to not be able to. Below 95 points.

I often hear the cry of the child, and I feel very distressed. It’s not that I am too busy with my own business. It is true that everyone has different ideas and arrangements. It is normal for parents to have expectations for their children. From a personal point of view, it is really a bad thing to have too high demands on children.

One: Rational view of children's learning ability

1. Each child has his own specialties

How can anyone be proficient in everything and perfect? Just like you can't ask Einstein to compose the "Moonlight Sonata", and you can't force Beethoven to study "The Theory of Relativity", in the same way, every child also has his own field of expertise, it depends on The child's talent and what they are interested in. If your child likes to draw, but you strongly ask her to learn to play the violin, the child lacks the support of interest from the beginning, so it is difficult to achieve the desired effect.

2. Children's learning is a long-term process

Children's minds are still immature. Both self-control and intelligence need to be cultivated and improved. This is a process, not overnight. However, many parents are eager for quick success and eagerly hope that their children will be successful in a certain area as soon as possible, and they pay too much attention to the results. Without taking into account the whole process, this is ignoring the development of the child.

3. Children's energy is limited

Human energy is limited. Many parents, like my neighbor’s child, are given so many courses at the age of 5. They may not have enough time to rest, which will lead to children’s lack of energy and physical and mental exhaustion. , not only the learning effect is greatly reduced, but also may cause children to feel tired of learning.

2: What will happen if parents have too high expectations?

1. Parents are anxious

The movie "The Life of the Disgusted Matsuko" said: "When I was young, everyone felt that their life would be golden, but the cruel thing is that most people welcome an ordinary life. ''

Many parents may have accepted their ordinary destiny, but they are not reconciled, so they pin their hopes on their children, and want their children's lives to become extraordinary, so they are particularly concerned about their children's growth and development. In addition to putting pressure on children, parents will also bear a lot of psychological pressure. The slightest fluctuations in children will make parents anxious.

2. The child has a heavy psychological burden

A university in Singapore conducted such an experiment. They conducted a follow-up experiment. The content of the experiment was to observe 300 families. The results of the study showed that the more control parents have over their children, the more anxious the children become. More serious, prone to anxiety, hesitation, self-criticism psychological tendency.

For parents' expectations, children will feel pressured. Although there is pressure, there will be motivation, but if overloaded, a child who can be a mediocre child will have a heavy mental burden.

3. Harm the parent-child relationship

Faced with the arrangements of their parents, children are often obedient, because they do not want to disappoint their parents, and they do not have the ability to resist. However, as children grow older, their self-awareness gradually increases, and there is also a part of rebellion. As a result, children begin to want to follow their own ideas more, so they begin to rebel against their parents, even against their parents.

Therefore, the ardent hopes of parents for their children sometimes make children feel at a loss. Children have their own ideas. When they can't bear the mandatory choices from their parents, they will rebound and start to resist.

Smart parents will admit their own ordinary, but also learn to admit their children's ordinary, let go of heavy anxiety.

In fact, admitting that children are mediocre is the greatest training for children. Parents must understand a truth: mediocrity does not mean failure, please face up to the mediocrity of children.

Three: face up to the mediocrity of children

1. Mediocrity is not failure, it is the norm in life

It is undeniable that, facing the reality, great people are born in every era, but at the same time, there are also thousands of ordinary people, and our children are just one of these thousands. Ordinary people also have the happiness and happiness of ordinary people. Parents don't have to worry too much about their children's future. Sometimes it may not be a good thing to let the child have a normal heart, grow up healthy and happy, and do what they like and what they can do. Things, life also has meaning and value.

2. Accepting the mediocrity of children can help them develop better

Accepting the mediocrity of a child does not mean that the child should be willing to be ordinary and spend this life passively, but to guide the child, let the child know that if you want to make your life colorful and extraordinary, you must work hard on the ground. The truth is that there are no shortcuts in his life, so that the child will become persevering. Be brave and face life positively.

Parents' intentions must be good, but they do not understand that an ''imperfect''''' mediocre'' life does not equal a failed life.

While facing up to the mediocrity of children, parents should also help children to explore and explore their interests and specialties, and learn to tap their children's bright spots.

Four: How to be a discerning parent

1. Take children to try new things and discover their interests

If parents want to cultivate their children's hobbies and interests, they can choose to take their children to participate in some experience classes of interest classes to see what their children like and which specialty class they are more interested in. Only when they are interested will they have the motivation to learn. , Don't grab it by all means, which can reduce the psychology of learning weariness and rebelliousness caused by forcing children to learn things they don't like.

2. Respect your child's choices

Parents are most prone to the phenomenon of ''following the wind''. For example, when they see other children's children playing the piano very well, they want their own children to learn too; watching TV says that learning dance can make children's temperament better , I was thinking of getting my kids to sign up too. In fact, parents should learn more about their children's needs, seek their children's ideas and choices, respect and recognize their children, and cannot force their children to give up their hobbies because of outside interference.

Children come to this world not to fulfill their parents' expectations, nor to become outstanding figures in a certain field. Children are to be themselves. They only have one life. Why not let children do what they like to do, let them Isn’t it our goal to grow up happily and happily? Therefore, learn more about the inner world and thoughts of children, support children’s choices more, and let children work hard for their dreams.