'Why say thank you', the child lacks gratitude, because the parents' 'empathy education' has not been done well

When I was chatting with a group of mothers a while ago, one mother complained that her child was accustomed to being stinky, and she found more and more from some situations that the child was not grateful at all.

The treasured mother gave an example: One day she took her child to a relative's house to play, and when the relative brought out a package of snacks for the child, she said to the child: ''Quickly say thank you auntie. ''Unexpectedly, the child not only did not say thank you, but also retorted loudly: ''Why should I say thank you? ''

Hearing the child's answer, the mother was stunned for a moment. In fact, it wasn't just her. Everyone around her was stunned for a few seconds. Then she apologized embarrassingly to her relatives, who also waved their hands in embarrassment and said. It doesn't matter.

It was also at that moment that she realized that her own children seldom said thank you to herself at ordinary times. She could be regarded as very willful at home, and her attitude towards the elderly was neither big nor small.

However, in the face of such a problem with her child, she didn't know what to do, so she wanted to ask everyone's opinions.

In fact, this situation is not uncommon. It is also a manifestation of children's lack of gratitude. Every child will be very different. Today's children have affluent living conditions, parents are very caring, and the school's discipline does not dare to be too strict. , but will cause the child to not know how to be grateful.

Children's ability to perceive happiness is declining, and their ability to be grateful for others' contributions is also damaged, which is why children lack gratitude. If we want to solve the problem of children's lack of gratitude, we must first understand why children are not grateful. Heart.

One: What are the possible reasons why children lack gratitude?

1. Children are more selfish

Selfish children don't think about other people's feelings and thoughts, so they don't feel that what is given to them is valuable and deserves it. What they think is: ''You voluntarily It was given to me, I just accepted it'' without any sense of wanting in return or gratitude.

In this case, of course, children will not have a sense of gratitude, and some children are more self-centered, so they will only consider their own thoughts, and never think about whether other people's efforts cost their efforts.

2. Over-indulgence of parents

Compared with the past, the material life of today is much better than in the past. Many parents are more responsive to their children. In addition, some parents spend less time with their children. If they feel ashamed of their children, they will use material gifts to compensate their children. , to meet the needs of the child, so if things go on like this, the child will feel that other people's giving and giving to him are deserved, of course, there will be no gratitude.

3. Lack of education in this area

In normal life, parents do not always create conditions to inspire children to learn to face their own efforts with gratitude, and basically when children are in kindergarten, they will develop a good habit, that is, they will say to them: when others When giving you something or helping you, thank you. This is actually what many people know.

However, some children do not have this awareness, which implies that there is a problem with the children's values.

Sometimes children blindly accept the help of others without thanking them in return, which will only allow us to see the problem of children's inability to raise, and lack of education in this area.

4. Parents did not set a good example

Parents are the first teachers in a child’s life. Parents’ words and deeds have a subtle, profound and lasting impact on their children. Therefore, children’s problems are also reflected in the parents’ problems. If parents do not lead by example, they do not do well It is also difficult for children to learn to be grateful. If parents are usually grateful to others, or consciously cultivate their children's awareness of this aspect, children will also feel grateful, and they will emulate their parents' behavior. produce a subtle effect.

In fact, for the cultivation of children's gratitude, the key is to see whether the parents' ''empathy education'' has been done well.

So what is empathy education? It means being able to understand others, having empathy, empathy, etc. This concept was put forward by Rogers and is a very important link in children's education.

Empathy ability can be said to play a very important role in the growth and development of children, especially in character building. Lack of empathy ability may lead to the following problems in children.

2: What is the impact of lack of empathy on children?

1. Social Impairment

Empathy mainly talks about the child's understanding and care of others. In interpersonal communication, empathy is very important. If a child lacks the ability to empathize, he will not consider and care about the feelings of others, and only care about his own interests and Thinking, this will give people a sense of selfishness, no one will want to be friends with such a person, and it will be difficult for children to integrate into a group.

2. Emotional cognitive impairment

Lack of empathy makes the child unable to properly understand the emotions of others, no matter whether the feelings are directed at themselves or others, the child's emotional cognition is hindered, and it is likely that they cannot respond to the feelings of others normally, or cannot understand some kind of emotion. The meaning of feelings seriously affects the normal life of children, and even brings many bad prejudices to children.

3. Character problems

The lack of empathy will be reflected in the child's character. The child cannot understand the thoughts of others. The child will gradually get used to this way of living without empathy, and will not be able to empathize with everything. The character of the child will also change, and it will really become a ruthless person.

The famous American parenting expert and children's book author Julia Curry once said: ''If you want a better child, you have to enter the child's world and learn to understand life from his perspective. ''

In the same way, in order for children to be grateful, they also need to have empathy for their parents, so that children can learn to understand others, so that they can know that other people's contributions are valuable, and they are not unconditionally accepted. Gradually, you will learn to be grateful.

Three: How to cultivate children's empathy ability?

1. Show your child your emotions

Parents should properly show their emotions in front of their children, so that the children can resonate with their parents' feelings, mainly so that the children can understand the feelings of others, and let the children connect the emotions expressed by others with the emotions expressed by themselves.

2. Lead by example

Parents should lead by example and show their children subtle performance through their own demonstration. For example, when parents need help or things, they will take the initiative to help others, and when accepting help from others, they should also give thanks in a timely manner, and more. The direct method is to ask the child for help in front of the child, and then express gratitude to the child after the child helps himself, so as to better let the child know that the efforts of others require time and energy, and You will also know to be grateful for the help of others.

3. Teach children to empathize

The most important thing for sympathy is to learn to think in empathy. Only by understanding the feelings of others can we get along better with others. Teaching children to learn to think in their own position can also help children learn and work more easily, because children will not only Thinking about yourself, in many things that need cooperation, you can also accept help from others or help others.

4. Expand the child's thinking pattern

Thinking will also limit a person's ability to empathize. Sometimes because the child's thinking is not broad enough, many times he will be a little selfish, and he will not think about other people's feelings when thinking about problems, so parents can take their children to see the world more and let their children's feelings. The larger the pattern, the longer the child's cognition of people and emotions will be.