The material reward is only temporary, and the 'Desi effect' teaches you the 'correct posture' of the reward

Now with the development of society, people's life is getting better and better. Now almost every family's material conditions are very good, and children can get a good material life. But because of this, parents are fascinated by this material life and feel that the most important thing for children is material, so they blindly give their children material things and ignore other things, which leads to poor development of children.

Parents think that the best thing for their children is material things, so they always meet their children's material needs in life, not spiritually. When parents praise their children, they only know how to reward their children with material things. Because parents know that this substance is liked by children and easy to do, if they reward their children, the children will also be very happy and motivated to do it. But this material reward is only useful for a while, and cannot have a long-term impact on the child at all.

parental material reward behavior

1. Attract children with things they like

Children are usually playful or naughty, and sometimes they won't listen to their parents. Parents need to use some skills to educate their children. Therefore, parents will seize the child's weakness. When the child is naughty or does not listen to the parents, the parents will use the child's favorite toy or other things to tempt the child, telling the child that if they can do well, they can be quiet Learn or listen to your parents, and your parents will reward them for what they like. At this time, when the child hears what he likes, the child will obey the parent's request to do things, so as to achieve the purpose of the parents educating the child.

2. Praise the child

In normal times, children will do some things that their parents praise, or when they perform well in learning, parents praise their children, not spiritually, but directly through material praise and rewards for children. It's material, not psychological or spiritual. Sometimes parents are busy with work or have something to do, and the rewards for their children are more perfunctory, and they just give their children money to buy things they like or play.

Today's parents' praise and rewards for their children are all material, root = they have never thought of giving their children a spiritual reward. Parents feel that this material reward is convenient, and the child likes it, so it's the best of both worlds. I even feel that this method can promote the motivation of children. In fact, this kind of thinking of parents is completely wrong. Maybe this material reward has a temporary effect, but it is not long-term or very useful. If this is blindly rewarding the child with material things, it will have a bad influence on the child.

The effect of material rewards on children

1. Cultivate children's utilitarian heart

Parents reward their children with material things, the children will think that what they do is rewarded, and everything the child does is rewarded, and the children will think that everything they do will be rewarded by their parents later. self-rewarded. If this goes on for a long time, the child will think that what he does has to be paid, and he will not do it without pay, so the child's values ​​are wrong. If the child goes on like this, the child will develop a utilitarian heart, and the child's utilitarian heart will be very strong. There must be material rewards for what he does, and even the things he should do feel rewarded.

2. Cultivate children's greedy character

Parents want to use material rewards to give their children more motivation to develop, but if parents reward their children with materials every time, it will cause the child's appetite to become larger and larger, and it will become more and more The more greedy. If parents do not reward their children with material one day, the children will resent their parents and complain about why the parents did not reward them, and the children will take this material reward for granted. Sometimes when a child is given a material reward by a parent, the child will make more demands from the parent, or even bargain for more material reward. If this goes on, the child will become more greedy, will become more and more greedy, and develop a greedy character.

3. Reduces the child's internal motivation

In the development of a child, the most important thing is the child's internal motivation, which is able to maintain the long-term development of the child. This material reward is the external motivation. Parents often guide their children to do things by motivating their children’s external motivation. If there is no such external motivation, the children will not do things from the heart, and there is no internal motivation to complete things. They just find things difficult to get done and the child becomes lazy. This behavior of the parents seriously hinders the development of the child's internal motivation.

A psychologist once conducted an experiment where two groups of children were asked to do the questions, one group was given free questions, and the other group was rewarded after completing the questions. The two groups of children chose to do the problem for free. The children who had been rewarded for doing the problem were unwilling to do the problem for free, while the other group of children who had not been rewarded for doing the problem were more willing to choose to solve the problem.

This psychologist is called Desi. This experiment is also known as the "Desi effect" in history. From this Desi effect, we can see that if the child is given material rewards, the child's internal motivation It will be weaker than others, affecting the child's concept and motivation. When parents reward their children, parents should recognize the Desi effect and use the Desi effect to give children the correct reward posture.

How to reward your child the right way

1. Rewards should be moderate

Parents don’t always reward their children, don’t reward their children when they do one thing, parents should reward their children moderately, and don’t need to give their children material rewards for what they should do, and parents should praise them. The child does well. Parents should not exaggerate their children's behavior. If they do a little thing, they will reward them with all their might. What their children do is only trivial. Don't let their children think that what they do is great. Parents need to establish an awareness for their children that not everything can be rewarded, and not everything is rewarded.

2. Parents should give the right rewards

It is not accepted that parents cannot reward and praise their children's behavior. Parents should reward their children's behavior correctly. They should use this reward to stimulate the inner motivation of the child. Through this reward, the inner motivation of the child can be guided, so that the child can experience to a sense of achievement. Through these senses of achievement, children can promote the further development of children, so that children will be more active and active, and they will no longer do things because of this material reward.

3. Parents should give their children spiritual rewards

American psychologist Edward Deci suggested that to stimulate a child's ''inner drive'' is to make the child feel ''I can do it''.

For children's rewards, don't always think about giving children material rewards. Parents should think about giving children spiritual rewards. Sometimes a simple behavioral praise can have a better effect than material. When parents do good deeds to their children, don't rush to give their children material rewards. Parents can give their children a hug or kiss on the cheek, so that the child's heart can be encouraged. This kind of behavior of parents is to give the child an inner driving force, and this spirit can promote the inner development of the child, stimulate the motivation of the child from the inside, and promote the further development of the child.

Parents should know that they should not always reward their children with material rewards. These material rewards are not good for children, and children will cause some behavioral defects in children, or develop bad habits and characters in children. Parents should consider and reflect on their own behavior, and don't let their behavior lead their children to develop in a bad direction.

Parents can seriously understand the Desi effect, and through this Desi effect, they can better understand their children's rewards. Parents can recognize the impact of their material rewards on their children, and at the same time, parents can use this Desi effect to give their children a correct reward posture, give a correct reward to their children, and promote their children's development.