It's more useful to let the children know the 'kick the cat effect' than to preach

I once saw a scene that made me ponder: it was in a restaurant, the dining atmosphere was quiet, there was a family of three enjoying food sitting opposite, and they interacted with each other from time to time. It was a normal and warm family meal time. After a while, the child should have had enough to eat, and wanted to find something to do to pass the time, so he asked his mother for a mobile phone. The mother's reaction seemed to be saying that looking at the mobile phone is not good for the eyes, so she refused. child.

Unexpectedly, this refusal caused everyone to be caught off guard.

The moment his request was rejected, the child instantly stood up from the stool, waved his hands at his mother, and cried and shouted in protest against Sapo.

This change made the location of their family of three instantly become the focus of the audience, and the parents of the children panicked, surprised at how noisy their children were regardless of the occasion, so they had to take out their mobile phones to appease their children.

The child who had achieved the goal also calmed down after taking the phone, sat back in his seat and played with the phone. The mother was not in the mood to eat anymore, and began to preach to the child about the reason just now. On the phone screen, the father just shook his head helplessly and sighed.

Readers who have read the above case must say that this child is really disobedient, and some parents feel the same way, and their own children are in a similar situation.

If you don't agree with one word, you will lose your temper, and you will not listen to your parents' preaching. If you use violence to control violence, the consequences will be nothing more than ''both losers''. of violence education and regret.

Faced with this kind of problem in children's growth education, we recommend that parents let their children know the ''kick the cat effect'', which is more useful than preaching.

What is the ''kick the cat effect''?

Psychology books explain it like this: It refers to the chain reaction of venting dissatisfaction and resentment towards objects who are weaker than oneself or whose level is lower than oneself.

Here's a story to better understand this effect:

A father was criticized by the leader in the company. When he returned home full of anger, he saw the child jumping on the sofa and scolded the child. The child was very aggrieved and angry, so he kicked the cat who was rolling next to him. The frightened cat rushed to the road outside, but happened to encounter a car driving over. In order to avoid the cat that suddenly appeared, the driver of the car panicked and accidentally injured the child on the street.

This whole process is like dominoes, a typical vicious cycle caused by bad emotions .

''Kicking the cat effect'' actually often appears in our lives, but it is easy to be ignored by us. For example, in the above story, in fact, the fuse of the whole incident is the father's bad mood. If the father can vent his negative emotions in the correct way, it will not lead to serious consequences later. Similarly, some of our parents also bring negative emotions into their family life and vent them on their children, which leads to the children developing the bad habit of being impulsive and losing their temper. Preaching is also difficult to achieve, because the problem is not dealt with at the root.

If you want your child to stop throwing a tantrum if you disagree, you need to let the child know and understand the ''kick the cat effect'' and let the child know that the ''kick the cat effect'' will lead to those adverse consequences in our lives. Appear.

''The cat kicking effect''

1. Affect your body and mind

Anger is an extreme emotion. According to medical research, anger can hurt the heart, make the brain think beyond routine activities, cause bad stimulation to the brain center, rush up blood, and lead to crises such as cerebral hemorrhage. And because the mood can not be calm when angry, resulting in low mood and trance. It can also cause damage to human organs such as the lungs, liver, stomach, and kidneys.

In short, anger is a negative emotion that hurts the body and mind. People who are often angry are 4 to 5 times more likely to get sick than ordinary people.

2. It is easy to lead to aggressive behavior and hurt others

People under the "kick cat effect" are prone to uncontrollable aggressive behaviors due to emotional agitation. This aggressive behavior includes both verbal and physical actions. Similar to domestic violence, this is the principle, because The unreasonable venting of one's own emotions, thereby venting it on others, has caused harm to others, and sometimes some of the damage will be indelible.

3. Harm to relationships

The most important reason why families are at a loss when children lose their temper, and preaching is not effective is that we do not know that it is actually our own that caused our children to have this bad habit. ''Kicking the cat effect'' is just like that. The unreasonable venting of our own negative emotions has caused harm to the people around us, and also has an impact on interpersonal relationships.

The development of life is inseparable from a good interpersonal relationship . If a child is always throwing his temper, no one will take the initiative to interact with him, and the negative situation about the child will also be spread, which will inevitably affect the child's future.

4. Make the situation worse

The most common consequence of the ''cat kicking effect'' is a vicious circle, which makes the situation worse and worse, because we vent our negative emotions on an innocent person, which will inevitably lead to grievances and dissatisfaction in the victim's heart. They will vent their negative emotions to the next innocent person. And some things can actually be dealt with peacefully through communication and negotiation, but because of their own temper, they can lead to worse consequences.

How to teach children to treat emotional expression correctly through the ''kick the cat effect''?

1. Let children understand and recognize the cat kicking effect

Parents can educate their children through some news events or social hotspots in their daily life, and use this as an example to explain to their children what is the ''cat kicking effect'', and use a more vivid and specific explanation method as much as possible. Has reached the child can better understand . The most important thing is to let children know the harm caused by the ''cat kicking effect'' , and use this as a warning to tell children that their negative emotions are incorrect and venting will cause harm to themselves and others, so be sure to do so. Don't lose control of your emotions, don't lose your temper if you disagree.

2. Parents lead by example

Many children's ''bad temper'' are actually influenced by their parents. In the stage of children's learning and development, their parents' words and deeds have a subtle but profound and lasting effect on their children. It is also because children often live with their parents. , parents should pay more attention to their words and deeds. In order to avoid mistakes in children's emotional management, parents must first restrain their emotions, do not bring negative emotions into family life, and do not let children become targets of venting . This is harmful to the child's body and mind, and will also cause the child to become angry when he disagrees. As long as parents lead by example, children will learn good behavior accordingly.

3. Learn to empathize

The "kick cat effect" is that people cannot effectively manage and control the venting of their own negative emotions, so they make wrong actions to vent on others, so if you want children to effectively control their own emotions, change their position Thinking is the key. You can ask children and scholars to think in a different position. For example, let the children imagine themselves as the cat in the "kick the cat effect". Facing other people's emotional venting, they can only bear the damage and can't resist it. Are you willing to accept the situation?

The answer is definitely no, because no one is willing to be a gas bag, so let the children realize that they should not vent their negative emotions at will to affect others, and know that "do not do what you want to others, do not do it to others". The truth of the sentence.

At the same time, parents can also teach their children how to properly vent their negative emotions , talk to others, go out to relax or do some exercise to vent.

On the way of children's growth, parents are not only teachers, but also students. Let us work together to create a bright future for our children.